so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
