You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
