That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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