Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
