Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
