you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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