Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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