I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
