he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
