so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
