That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize