Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
