Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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