I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm always down for nudity.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
