My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
