I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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