He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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