she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize