During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
