At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
