after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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