nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
