It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
