I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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