i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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