At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
