i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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