She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
