i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
