the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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