He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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