I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
