how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
that is very illegal...i love you.
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