Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
