im having a threesome with these popsicles
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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