Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
