did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
