mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The uberlube is also flammable
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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