Please, let me fuck your mom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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