Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
