WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
