His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
