FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
