You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
