There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
