I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
