when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
