Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
