I am puke
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
