i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
