So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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