I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
