I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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