u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
