there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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