how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This baby is an asshole
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
