I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
