2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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