I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
