Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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