He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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