After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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