Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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