As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
