dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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