im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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