we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
