So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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