Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
