Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
