After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
