I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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