Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it