Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.