hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
