i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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