everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
